Fourth and Dumb

Some interesting things happened in the Nathan’s-foot-long-slathered-in-Sriracha sauce-and-jalapenos-and-sauerkraut that is the world’s greatest football conference, the SEC, this past Halloween weekend.

 However, the Florida-Georgia game really wasn’t one of them, unless of course you’re specifically a fan of either team. The Gators finally had a game in which they didn’t turn the ball over three or more times, and consequently they rolled the Dawgs up 41-17. Riley Cooper did make the best catch I’ve seen this year, hauling in his second TD with one hand while leaping forward, and there has since been the excitement of learning that Brandon Spikes decided to test the vision of a Georgia RB by sticking his fingers deep into his eyes (earning him a first-half suspension versus Vandy—I hope the Gators can hold off back-up Commodore QB Mackenzi Adams for two quarters!). But otherwise things went as most expected.

 A bigger surprise, maybe, occurred at Jordan-Hare, where Auburn “beat hayell outta the Rebs” (as PlainsTigers might say). Was there a more overrated team this year than Ole Miss? I, for one, was certainly guilty of thinking they would be a serious threat in the SEC West (um, did I pick them to win? Crap.), as on paper they seemed to have good reasons to be better offensively than they were in ’08. But Jevan Snead suddenly seems to make lots of bad decisions, and Dexter McCluster just isn’t gashing folks like he did last year. Maybe the UF and Texas Tech games last year fooled me, or maybe the Houston Nutt effect only works for a year. Either way, Auburn looked good and may be back on track for a 7-8 win season and decent bowl. Hey, Chizik has already won more games this year than he did in two up at Iowa State!

 The ‘Cocks were limp and lifeless on Halloween night, dribbling the ball onto the ground on the third play and then turning it over two more times in the next four possessions, keeping them from the kind of penetration they needed to embed the football in the soft and fecund soil of the end zone (Gah, will these moronic references never end???). “Hello Kiffy” got his fourth win with four to go, and that game at Oxford against the Rebs is hardly looking unwinnable right now, so he’s going to get the Vols into a bowl. I’d say more about this game, but I was handing out candy by then, wearing a prosthetic to make it look like my right eye had been enucleated, but unfortunately that’s my good eye, and coupling that with a lot of beer and tequila meant I was legally and morally blind by then. Fortunately, it spared me the ugly of UT’s black jerseys.

 Still under the radar, Miss State got new coach Dan Mullen a good road win at Kentucky, putting the Other Bulldogs at 4-5 with games against Bama and Ole Miss at home sandwiched around a trip to Fayetteville to play the Razorpigs. If he gets them to a bowl, he’s the NCAA coach of the year in my book.

Another week, another pick ‘em from your favorite band of intellectual miscreants.

Evan Nagler joins us as our guest this week. Evan is a Gainesville, FL native and former Brandeis student currently employed by the Census to make sure that the numerically insignificant Cham population in his hometown of Knoxville is not allowed to swing their votes in favor of Lyndon LaRouche in upcoming elections. Deeply knowledgeable about Jewish custom and lore, he uses such tactics as the Kabbalah to accurately pick winners each week. His system combines the number of ex-lovers Madonna has had and the exact current hair length of Britney Spears, along with a few other factors which he would prefer not to share.

It only took me 5 weeks to win a week this season. Truthfully, I’m a little too lazy to look back and see how long it took me last year, so we’ll just call this a “good thing” ™ and move along. There’s a Thursday game actually worth picking tonight, and we’ve got the inside scoop on who’s going to win. Assuming, of course, you understand that by “inside scoop” we really mean “stuff we’ve either painstakingly researched or just made up in order to make the deadline.”

Who’s that? Hans Blix? Why no, it’s week number 6!

Read on for commentary and analysis. Continue reading ‘Pick ‘Em – Week 6’ »

Another week, another step in the unfolding of the beautiful flower that is the Southeastern Conference 2009 football season.

So I watched 55 minutes of the LSU-Georgia game. My daughter was staying at a friend’s, so my wife and I went out for tapas and drinks, like civilized people do. But the second place we went to had no TV. Why do I tell you this? Well, I got to see 13 of the points scored, but had to get the 21 points scored spasmodically when both defenses seemed to sag like fatally wounded stoats described to me in intermittent texts by last week’s guest picker, Mike Dame. However, I think I see this as an advantage. The 55 minutes I saw sure seem to me to be the “real” LSU offense and defense: the former futzes around and seems to lack leadership, while the latter is fast and mean and capable of shutting down offenses as good as the Dawgs’. Georgia, being the mirror image of LSU, couldn’t get the passing game going, though to be fair Cox had some receivers drop some good balls. The good news is that  the season’s first match-up of top-five teams is preserved for next Saturday. But LSU will have real problems with the Gator D; will it even matter if Timmy plays? We’ll see.

Alabama seemed to play pretty well against Kentucky (“seemed”? Well, I just watched the re-runs like you; what the hell do I know?). Giving up 20 points seems kind of dicey, but they never were threatened. They seem like the second best team in the country to me, but as you know, I’m an SEC homer. Besides, I’m holding out judgement on Texas till after the Oklahoma game.

I only got to see parts of the Auburn-Tennessee game, but enough to warm my heart. Lane’s boys are 2-3 with a now-desperate Dawgs team coming in. Crompton sucks, as we all knew he would, but his 20 of 43 showing, with what seemed like some drops by his receivers, will stave off Nick Stephens for a while more. But unless Stephens is clearly behind Crompton (and if that’s true, the Vols will suck for at least 2-3 more years, and be still my heart!), it seems like they’d be well to give him a chance and some experience. But they’ll be sitting 2-4 after this next Saturday, with few guarantees after that. Who knew that Auburn would be 5-0 and Young Chizzy would be flashing his gold teeth caps and rockin’ the Grey Goose to West Division contention? Their defense dominated (but hey, who doesn’t against these guys), and the offense seems to be jelling. Just remember, I said they’d be 7-0 before heading to LSU (sorry, Todd!). Um, but I did only say that after they were 4-0, of course. Man, just think how much crap that guy who videotaped himself hollering at Chizik and the AD at the airport is going to get if Chizik gets the PlainsTigers to the SEC championship? But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

Damn, Miss State hung 31 on Georgia Tech; that was three games’ worth of scoring under Sly Crooms! Unfortunately, Tech got 42, but Dan Mullen’s got the Other Bulldogs on the right track.

Ole Miss ground out a ho-hum win in Nashville, as the top tier teams in the SEC do. I guess that means they’re still top tier, but we’ll find out Saturday when they host Bama. Mmm, Bama at Ole Miss and UF at LSU back to back: I’m glad to be alive!

Oh, and Arkansas put up a pile of points against Texas A&M, which means their game against Auburn is an elimination game: the winner can still pretend to hope to win the West, but the loser isn’t allowed to pretend that anymore. And South Carolina beat some non-football school and is ranked–good for the ol’ ball coach, but beware Kentucky.

Some random thoughts about the 2009 SEC classes:

Lane Kiffin seems to have passed his first test as an SEC coach (well, second, if you have a test for having a hot-blonde-model wife who inspires facebook groups and websites of her own, as I most certainly do) by getting Tennessee’s best class in a few years.  Phat Phil had allowed Georgia, Florida, and especially Bama to make inroads into Tennessee, but Kiffin mostly locked down his in-state targets (with the notable exception of a last-second decommit by stud WR Marlon Brown, who’s heading to UGA), and he managed to steal two Gator commits: Nu’Keese Richardson and Marsalis Teague, both of whom looked to flourish in the Gator spread (and boy will I miss not being able to yell “Nu’Keese” at the TV set . . . well, in a positive way, that is). This should all come as welcome news to Vols fans, who are itching to be relevant in the SEC again (I know, I know, they were in the championship game last year!!! But that still doesn’t seem real).

One theory I heard that I think makes sense is the idea that a big year, like winning a national title, pays off not immediately but the next season out. This talk centered on LSU, which did well but not crazy good last year after their NC, but this year had a ridiculously good class. The rationale is that by the time your team wins a title, the vast majority of players have made trips or declared or at least are strong leans someplace. But the juniors, just starting the process, can get geeked about joining a team that just won big.

This effect might have been going on with the Gators, who saw some big decommits (the two WRs listed above as well as #1 DB Greg Reid, who went to FSU) despite their title run. The Gators just didn’t have many scholarships to give this year, so they only signed 16, including just one WR (Andre Debose, from Seminole HS, about 12 miles north of where I write this). But already there’s a lot of interest from kids in the 2010 class. The Gators were also likely hurt by the glut of returning players–being two-deep at EVERY defensive position will indeed frightenaway kids who aren’t either super-confident or willing to believe that it’s okay to get better and learn rather than being promised immediate playing time at a program that has less talent.

Georgia did great, and they’re going to have the big receiver Marlon Brown to go with last year’s freshman sensation A.J. Green. Now they just have to get a QB to throw it to them. UGA’s big-time QB recruit is Aaron Murray from Tampa Plant HS. All I know about that kid is that while visiting my brother-in-law in Tampa in October, I picked up the Tribune on a Saturday morning and saw that Murray had gotten an early rest after throwing seven TDs the night before . . . in the first half. Whether he can handle the SEC East right away is questionable, but the Dawgs look to be scary on offense in 2010.

South Carolina’s big coup was stealing WR Alshon Jeffrey from that other USC out West. If Stephen Garcia can stay out of jail, he can throw some balls his way.

Ole Miss signed 37 dudes. 37!!! Houston Nutt is awesome.

Dan Mullen didn’t do much with just a few weeks to recruit for Miss State, but they’re going to be fun to watch right away.

Everybody else? Eh, you know, they did fine, I’m sure.

Maybe nothing. Maybe a lot.

Ole Miss didn’t just beat Texas Tech, they handled them on both sides of the ball. This is the same TT offense that scored a ton of points on Texas and got over 30 on Oklahoma, but the Rebels got tons of pressure on Harrell and gouged them with the run game. Does this tell us that Florida will be able to run consistently on Oklahoma and get pressure on Bradford with just the front four, allowing LBs and DBs to stay in coverage?

But wait–what about Utah dominating Bama? The Utes got seven sacks on JP Wilson and locked down Glen Coffee in ways that the Gators clearly couldn’t.

Maybe none of this tells us too much. I know I was personally annoyed at the ass-kissing that Brent Musburger and my wife’s favorite sportscaster, Kirk Herbstreit, laid on the Trojans, continually suggesting that USC had gotten screwed and would frighten either Oklahoma or UF. Sure, it sucks that USC lost the one-loss beauty pageant, but their loss was indeed to Oregon State, a team that got whipped by Oregon and also lost to Utah, who is most obviously the team that has gotten screwed this year. And now we hear a lot about how the Pac 10 went undefeated in the bowls, but look at the opponents: OSU beat Pitt in the snorefest of all snorefests, Oregon won a very entertaining game over Okie State, though after TT’s loss that may not look quite as impressive, Arizona beat an overrated BYU, Cal beat a lackluster Miami team, and USC earned the honor of laying the traditional holiday ass-whupping on the Big 10 champ. Big deal.

Chris Borglum, ladies and gentlemen. You can’t stop him, you can only hope to contain him.

He is…dare I say it…en fuego.

Commentary and analysis after the jump. Continue reading ‘Pick ‘Em – Bowl Week Extravaganza – Part 3’ »

Week 12 in the the SEC was mostly uneventful. The biggest upset was Vandy’s win over Kentucky, which wasn’t too much of a surprise, anyway. Of course, the world almost turned completely upside down when Troy jumped out to a big lead and held it into the fourth quarter against LSU, but the Tigers woke up and reassumed control just in time.

The Gators continued their savage pillaging of the East, running the ‘Cocks out of the Swamp 56-6. Once again, much of this was done with defense: besides another pick six for Nagurski finalist Brandon Spikes, turnovers set up a bunch of other Gator scores. It’s hard to understand why the Gators couldn’t play at least somewhat like this for their first four games; the way they’re playing now, don’t we think they’d hang more than 50 on Miami, Tennessee, and Ole Miss? Clearly something was mentally or spiritually wrong in that first third of the season, as no significant player changes have been made. Maybe Timmy just needed to look into the abyss of the Ole Miss loss to shake off the external pressure and start leading his offense the way he is now. He isn’t putting up Heisman numbers this year, but why should he? The Gates have weapons like Man Moody, Deonte Thompson, and Louis Murphy who are barely getting used right now; there aren’t enough footballs to spread around to all the ridiculous speed on that offense. Pity the BULLDOGS (thanks, DanGR!) of The Citadel this weekend. We’ll see if Gator back-up QB John Brantley can get 250 yards passing in that one.

Alabama shut down Miss State in workmanlike fashion, holding on to their deserved #1 ranking. Still, Alabama’s rep right now has been almost entirely made by the first half in Athens against the Dawgs. The Tide’s big win against Clemson doesn’t look nearly as good now, and the rest of their wins also lack the splash of those by the Big Three of the Southern Division of the Big 12 or the Gators. Still, flashiness of wins won’t matter if they can claim the Iron Bowl for the first time since 2001 and beat the Gators in Atlanta. The way the Gators are playing right now, however, leads me to figure that they’ll be 15-17 point favorites on the Tide right now, though that line could change based on the next couple weeks.

The Auburn-Georgia game lost some luster this year, but it was a great, old-timey SEC game to watch. Lots of hard hitting and off-tackle running. Georgia’s D really dug deep to stop Auburn’s last drive and hold on for the win. It will be interesting to see what kind of offense Georgia fields next year, after Stafford and Moreno are gone (as I assume they will be).

This week’s SEC slate is pretty thin, with nearly half the conference on hiatus. Miss State hosts Arkansas in a game only the family members of players will care about, and Florida gets to ritually sacrifice, dismember, and devour Citadel. Real SEC fans will be interested in the last two games, however: LSU hosts an Ole Miss team that is very interested in making a statement to recruits about its bright future, and Vanderbilt gets to dump the final load of manure on the career of Phil Fulmer, which presumably they’ll do with glee. In the newly christened “Magnolia Bowl” (a name developed jointly by student bodies at LSU and Ole Miss to name their rivalry), I’m guessing we’ll see an Ole Miss win for the first time since 2001, and in the Nashville we’ll see a 19-13 grinder win for the ‘Dores.

Okay, so I’ve run a quizbowl tournament and survived, and I apologize to our legions of fans for letting you down by not giving you a recap last week. So let’s get to it.

Our conference slate got started last Thursday when Auburn played like Auburn for about a half before the roof caved in. But West Virginia’s speed and actual ability to run the spread offense spelled doom for the WarTigerEagles. Rumblings from the Plains make me think that boosters there are probably willing to give Tubby one more season after this one to get back to the top of the West, but that’s only barring a complete collapse this year. And they better start by beating Ole Miss in Oxford Saturday. Knocking off an undefeated Tide team for their seventh straight win in the Iron Bowl will protect him no matter what, but that’s looking like a bigger long shot than McCain in Pennsylvania.

Phat Phil’s season didn’t get any better Saturday, with the Tide beating his protuberant buttocks like Jack Costanzo on the bongos (Hey, he’s the first guy who comes up on Google for famous bongo drummers). So, update: Tide good, Vols bad. This Saturday the Tide gets another win vs. Arky State, and the Vols get their sixth loss against the Fighting ‘Cocks.

Arkansas had its chances to try to justify its firing of Houston Nutt by beating the Rebels, but they failed, as of course Arkansas must. Amazingly to me, the Razorbacks are actually favored by 8 (!) against Tulsa, but take those points and the Golden Hurricane; hell, take them to win! They played poorly against UCF, and the slow Arkansas defense will have a hard time with their weird sets. Ole Miss hosts Auburn, as mentioned above, and right now I’d take Ole Miss–Auburn’s got hard times.

Vanderbilt, as my colleague Dan Greenstein pointed out, seems to have fallen apart lately. Right now they appear to be in big trouble for that elusive sixth win I so smartly have been guaranteeing for them for a couple weeks. Their next four? Florida at home, Kentucky on the road, Tennessee at home, Wake Forest on the road. Oh, my. The easiest pickings will be the Vols, and that’s a rivalry game against a team that will be beaten, bruised, and snot covered, aching for some sense of dignity. How awful to start 5-0 and then go 0-7. Not farfetched right now, I’m afraid.

And the big game I forgot? Miss State upheld conference pride against MTSU! Oh, and Florida absolutely buried Kentucky and Georgia’s offense crushed LSU. Boy, are those two teams setting up for the third Battle of Megiddo this weekend or what? Florida’s players are offering angry-sounding “No comments” to every question about the infamous Georgia stomp of last year, and Georgia is showing that it can run despite a seriously depleted offensive line. For SEC fans this is clearly the game of the regular season (though seeing the winner play Bama will be even bigger, as it will either be a rematch of the Georgia debacle or a chance to see another Florida-Bama championship game). For pure speed and athletic talent, there might not be a better game this year. Look for Tebow to go over the top a few times in the first half to Louis Murphy, who’s been pretty quiet thus far. And look for Georgia to try to push Knowshon Moreno through the tackles as often as possible and to take shots at the left side of the Gator defensive backfield whether freshman Janoris Jenkins is able to play or not.

Most important, look for a feisty Gator team to win and for some ugly fights in the stands if Meyer goes for a late score in a game that’s out of hand.

PS–Why is Miss State favored over Kentucky in Starkville? Is it because of how badly UF beat them down? The ‘Cats should find a way to win that game with the freshman QB Randall Cobb.

Okay, so my rehash is late this week, which I’m sure has annoyed our worldwide readership (Ricky and Ahmad, if we’re lucky). But I’m trying to write a whole quizbowl tournament, grade a backload of papers, and recover from a weekend of spine-rattling, colon-aggravating debauchery. But I must meet the solemn obligations of the blogging brotherhood, so here’s a super-fast recap:

The Gators finally looked like most of us expected at the beginning of the season against the Bayou Bengals. LSU’s defense is better than it looked against UF, but the Gator offensive line surprised us all by keeping the pressure off Tebow and opening holes for the ridiculously fast tandem of Jeff Demps and Chris Rainey. LSU’s offense showed it still has skill and speed at the skill positions, but they really need a quarterback.

Right now it appears to be inevitable that the winner of UF-Georgia will go to the SEC game in Atlanta. The Dawgs eased by Tennessee, but their offense seemed balky. They’re not running with the same ease as last year, which likely can be pinned on the injury to Trinton Sturdivant, and during the Tennessee win they lost OL starter Vince Vance. So the holes aren’t as big and Stafford’s seeing some heat. That line is going to have to dig deep against UF in a couple weeks.

The biggest surprise wasn’t the spread of UF’s win but Auburn’s shitting the bed against Arkansas. That was truly wretched. Watching the WarTigerEagles’ woes, the Bama fans must be like pigs in poop. I mean, more so.

Vandy, unsurprisingly, found a way to be Vandy against Miss State. But they’re going to make a bowl this year, so life is good for them.

A mostly unexciting slate for this upcoming week. On paper the best game is LSU’s trip to Columbia to try to lick the ‘Cocks. The Tigers are favored by 2.5 right now, but it’s going to be interesting to see how Hatch and their offense move against a very good SC defense. I don’t expect them to score much, but SC’s offense is even worse, so we can expect a low-scoring game in which a defensive score might decide it. I’m going with the Ball Coach pulling the upset over the Hat (sorry, Ricky, though my pick against you is probably the best news an LSU fan could get).

Other games:

Kentucky big over Arkansas

Alabama big over Ole Miss

Georgia not so big over Vandy (by eight, though they’re favored by 14.5)

Tennessee finally wins one, close, over the Other Bulldogs.

Okay, back to writing geography and philosophy questions.

Last week was a rough week for all of us, but Chris again proves victorious.

In the meantime, he didn’t submit his picks for this week, so we’re picking (against the chalk) for him!

Chris finally got his picks in…silly technical difficulties.