Fourth and Dumb

Over a Florida fan, that is.

You’ve probably heard that a radio reporter in Fayetteville was fired after being admonished by Bobby “Arkansas Razorback to the Core!” Petrino for wearing her Gators baseball cap to a media session.

Renee Gork, the reporter in question, is indeed a Florida grad; hasn’t she been punished enough just by having to live in Fayetteville?

Anyway, back to the story, Gork apparently asked ol’ Bobby a question, and after answering, he said something about how he was not going to answer any more of her questions while she was wearing that hat.

You’ll excuse me for finding this kind of amusing. I’m guessing Petrino wouldn’t have known for sure that Arkansas and Florida were in the same conference when he got hired, though I guess that’s not fair since he did spend 12 games in Auburn as their OC when they went undefeated under Terry Bowden, one of his SEVEN stops in the last 14 seasons.

I suppose you can’t blame Bobby, whose panties are probably still in a bit of a bunch over some tough calls in his close loss at the Swamp last year (not to mention the beating from the previous season). And there’s absolutely no question that Gork shouldn’t have worn any kind of team gear to a media session as a reporter. Way back in my youth, when my co-bloggers here were shittin’ yeller (or at least more so), I covered the Gators for the Independent Florida Alligator, so I got to go to post-practice sessions and regular media lunches and such when Galen Hall was coach, and though most of the pro hacks I worked with had graduated from UF, no one would have dreamed of wearing a Gators hat (or a Bama hat, or a Yankees jacket, or a Steelers shirt) to anything while working. It’s just not done.

However, Petrino didn’t need to make a stink about it out loud in front of the other hacks. That just guaranteed that crazy fans would hassle the station and kill this woman’s job. Of course, there’s been some boo-hooing about her losing that job, but something tells me she’ll be fine. Maybe she’ll be one of the gals on the next The Bachelor or something.

At least she wasn’t wearing a Louisville or Falcons hat; that might have gotten ol’ Bobby to pop her one.

PS–12 DAYS TILL THE FIRST GAME!!!!

As if we really needed one.

In the whirlwind of Kiffy’s hiring by USC, he had to make some quick decisions regarding assistants. Understandably, not all could come with him, as some of the USC staff know Lane and have PAC-10 and team knowledge he’d want to retain. One guy left out in the cold was David Reaves, the WR coach for Tennessee under Kiffin.

Reaves learned of Kiffy’s departure, and his joblessness, the way the rest of us did: at Kiffy’s hastily called news conference.

The difference? Reaves is also Kiffy’s brother-in-law, sibling to his bikini-model wife Layla (and son of former Gator great John Reaves). You’d think at least sissy-poo could have given him a text or something as a heads-up, right?

When Derek Dooley got hired, he didn’t have any room for Reaves, leaving him out of work at a time when other programs have finished their hiring and firing. Don’t feel too bad for the guy, though: he still has to get paid his $150k salary, which is almost as much as CC English profs make. But still, I can imagine some awkwardness at the buffet line at the Thanksgiving dinner.

So Uber-Recruit Bryce Brown, a RB from Oklahoma, chose the Volunteers yesterday (um, so much for my Oklahoma prediction). This is another recruiting coup for Lane Kiffin, and I’m sure a happy respite from the media and fan scorn that’s been heaped on him for all of his dumb comments since Signing Day. 

In perusing the article about this on The Sporting News, I came across this comment from a Vols fan explaining Brown’s choice:

Bryce Brown and his family and advisor are all people of faith. A deep, abiding faith in God. Bryce prayed constantly, asking God to give him a sign, and this Friday the sign was revealed to him in Knoxville. A facet of Lane Kiffin that the general public never suspected was revealed too. 

Now all good Christian men are obliged to make a public apology to Kiffin for attacking his character and besmirching his name. 

Now how this person knows that Brown “prayed constantly” I don’t know. Further, God gives signs to players to decide where to matriculate? I wonder if the “sign” was 5,000 Vols fans chanting his name when he attended UT’s first practice, which was made open to the public (coincidence? Hmm.). If so, at least it was hard to miss. Way to go, Yahweh!

Best part:  Lane Kiffin is a “spiritual epiphany to young athletes”??? Dang–I reckon that will indeed help haul in some serious football players. And think of what recruiting power that brings when joined with his wife’s recruiting power; after all, that former bikini model is certainly a “physical epiphany” to men of all ages. 

Oh, and as to the obligation to make a public apology, well, praise to the Flying Spaghetti Monster, I’m not a good Christian man, so I can still publicly recommend that Lane Kiffin suck my balls!

When asked recently about his QB Kyle Parker, he said the following:

“I’ve watched him practice and I’ve watched him play (baseball). He’s really good looking. If I was a girl, I’d be very interested in him. He wears those tight pants. When you wear loose stuff, you can’t tell the definition of a guy’s body. In baseball, everything’s tight and you can tell he’s very well put together.”

Most questionable part of this statement: “If I was a girl.” Hmmm, coach, you ALREADY sound “very interested.” Maybe if Ray Ray McElrathbey wore his pants tighter more often, he’d still be on scholarship . . .

The Holding Penalty is a semi-regular feature, running down the latest events in college football’s police blotter.

More criminal charges than you can shake a stick at, including: two pot smokers, two DUIs, and a punter in the dog house. All this, and Mount Fulmer’s about ready to blow his top in this orange and white edition of the Holding Penalty, after the jump.
Continue reading ‘The Holding Penalty – Rocky Top Edition’ »

An update to the Wheeling Nailers “Shred Rich Rodriguez” promotion:

The Nailers have added some additional incentive to show up for Saturday night’s game against the Charlotte Checkers.

The Nailers are offering discounted tickets to any fan that brings in a newspaper article or picture of the former West Virginia University football coach to contribute to the industrial sized paper shredder that will be stationed in the concourse.

Additionally any fan who wears WVU apparel to the game will receive $2 off their ticket price. Ohio State fans will also receive the discount by wearing their gear to the game to demonstrate their mutual distaste for Michigan.

Any fan caught wearing University of Michigan apparel will be charged double in order to help Rodriguez pay his $4 million buyout to WVU.

If your first name is Rich or your last name is Rodriguez your ticket will be $8.25. If your name happens to be Rich Rodriguez you will get in free. Except, of course, if you actually are Coach Rich Rodriguez then you will be barred from the building and escorted outside state lines.

As the subject says, yet more fun drama in the Rich-Rod saga.

According to the AP, Rodriguez has reversed course from his statement on Friday that he shouldn’t have to honor the $4 million buyout clause in his contract, filing today a letter of credit offering $1.5 million to buy out the remaining four years of his contract at West Virginia. Naturally, the letter of credit was filed with the Bank of Ann Arbor.

Full filing available courtesy of WBOY-TV in Morgantown.

Apparently its not doing much to seal the wound that Rodriguez’ departure has left in the region, as the local Wheeling Nailers ECHL hockey team is planning a “Shred Rich Rodriguez” night Saturday February 2nd against the Charlotte Checkers. Bring a photo of Rodriguez to run through a paper shredder and get $2 off admission!

This reminds me, it isn’t the first time an ECHL team has run an antagonistic promotion; the now-defunct Roanoke Express hosted an “I Hate John Brophy” night in honor of the coach of the Hampton Roads Admirals at the time, following an on-ice incident between the two teams where Brophy was accused of assaulting Roanoke security guards. Not nearly as exciting as a college football coaching dispute, but it made for good hockey nonetheless. (Aside: Brophy also spent two years as the coach of the Wheeling Nailers.)

Totally breaking themes here, but the visual of a bicyclist knocking another off his bike with a headbutt… well, it just can’t be passed up.

You do need to skip to the three minute mark in the video to get to the good stuff and to skip the fluff.

I found this on my morning blog check on Deadspin – apparently, Missouri is bringing the muscle on a guy who owns a site that mocks Missouri athletics.

“The bottom line here is that this is a silly, juvenile little fan blog that has been nothing more than an amusement for me. If they want to acquire it, then they can approach me. But to throw me up against the locker and shake me down for it,” Lozano said, “my reaction is going to be ‘No.’ ” – Richard Lozano, owner of missouritigers.com.

Keep on fighting the good fight, my man.

Dig the new logo, though:

Periodically, Fourth and Dumb will offer guest spots to people who we think will bring an interesting viewpoint to the sport of college football

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Zangief wish to coach your team in condition and strength. Zangief strong like bear. Zangief conditioned like bear. Zangief teach your players secret of spinning piledriver. Zangief bring honor and victory to your team.

James Lauriniatis think he tough now? He think he tough because of tackle? He think he tough because of pro wrestler father? He think wrong! He think different once Zangief spinning piledrive him.

Dhalsim stupid mudak who want beating. He think he great because of stretch. He think he great because of hot spit. He is stupid mudak who deserve 360 degrees of clothesline pain.

Step One of Zangief master plan of strong Russian man is to kill James Bond. Bond long time Russian nemesis and never die despite many tries to kill him. Person who succeed be very strong Russian indeed.

Step Two of Zangief master plan is to eat lots of polonium to strong self against zombie Alexander Litvinenko attacks. Zombie may not be hurt by spinning piledriver; immunity is good, yes?

Step Three of Zangief master plan is to drink Grey Goose vodka all day. Maurice Clarett is honorary Zangief, rank three class A.

Step four of Zangief master plan is carry knife on field and use when tackle. Penalty for grab of face mask but no knife? Stupid Americans.

Follow steps of strength and become great Russian tackle star.

Zangief teach Glenn Dorsey how to thrust stomach into opponents head and make birds come out like magic happy surprise. Zangief teach Curtist Lofton Final Atomic Buster to crush Dhalsim-like opponent skulls into vodka fuel. Most important, Zangief teach Darren McFadden how to dance with Mikhail Gorbachev and win television championships like Emmit Smith.

Ack! Dhalsim appear! Quick, change the channel!