Fourth and Dumb

The Great Conference Realignment of 2010 is now underway!  You, too, can watch with whatever range of emotions you desire or desire to be assaulted into feeling as the Big 12 Conference is torn apart like Simon in Lord of the Flies.

While buzz has been going on for a week now based on sources who wish to remain anonymous and officials of various corporeal bodies have been meeting in varying degrees of secrecy, the first substantive moves appear to be underway.

• On Wednesday evening, Nebraska started the fall of the dominoes by making its move into the Big 10 camp.  The Big 10 will have 12 members, enough for a championship game the first weekend of December, but it would be foolish to expect them to declare themselves sated on corn.  Meanwhile, as it now stands, the Big 12 Championship Game cannot be played no matter how much Dr. Pepper is supplied.
• On Thursday morning, Colorado landed a punch on the shrinking great plains conference from the opposite side by announcing it was heading to the Pac 10.  The Big 12 is now down to ten, as equal a misnomer as the Big 10 with 12 teams, and the Pac-10 has entered the land of the misnomer by taking itself to 11.  Given 11 is a crappy number, a 12th member for the Pac-10 cannot be far behind.
• Not a substantial update, but DanGo points out Utah is a likely candidate for the 12-spot in the Pac-10.  However, Utah would be a consolation prize, because Texas is the crown jewel of the Great Conference Realignment.  Utah is only headed to the Pac-10 if they are rebuffed by Texas, and if they are rebuffed by Texas, the Big 12 will survive.  However, if Texas heads west, they will be followed by the remainder of the Big 12 South ex Baylor.  The Pac-10 will expand to 16, and the Big 12 is headed to the ICU.
• Friday afternoon update: Four days after the decision was delayed, the foregone conclusion came true: Boise State will join the Mountain West in 2011.  The Mountain West takes another step toward a BCS automatic bid and leaves itself available to collect remnants of the Big 12 like Kansas if they are not taken by one of the bigger conferences.  After all, while Kansas, Kansas State, Iowa State, and Missouri would make sense to be in the Big Ten from a cultural and aesthetic viewpoint, the ultimate factor is money, and those schools are not the most enticing options for the Big Ten.
• Friday later afternoon update: The bigwigs at the University of Texas are meeting Tuesday morning to discuss defecting to the Pac-10.  Texas Tech, Oklahoma, and Oklahoma State are set to cut their ties with the Big 12 the moment Texas does, while Texas A&M is also casting longing glances at the SEC.  The next major step in the collapse of the Big 12 should come Tuesday afternoon, unless the Big Ten or perhaps another conference makes a move first.
• Monday morning update: Nothing “official” happened over the weekend, but it appears Texas A&M’s flirtation with the SEC has gotten really serious.  In the event A&M heads east instead of west to the Pac-10, Kansas would take their spot on the Pac-10’s wishlist.  That being said, Texas might be having a change of heart if the Big 12 is willing to draw up an offer the Longhorns cannot refuse and would make them the head honcho of a ten-team conference by all metrics.  Even if Texas A&M defects to the SEC, Texas could stay to be the head of a nine-team conference.  One thing that has not changed is the Oklahoma schools and Texas Tech will follow Texas wherever the Horns go.  The number of scenarios has blossomed over the weekend, and the projected timeline has become fuzzy.  We could know the ultimate fate of the Big 12 by Monday evening.
• Final update on Monday evening: The Great Realignment will be a more low-key affair than expected.  Texas has decided to remain in the Big 12.  Texas A&M has also decided to stay in the Big 12.  Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, and Texas Tech will remain in the Big 12.  The Big 12 will soldier on with ten teams in 2011.  The first act of this morality play is over, but the realignment mojo could become active again.  The next move we expect to see will be the Pac-10 add a 12th team, likely Utah, before realignment goes on the back burner and actual football begins.  See you then!

Mmmm, alliteration.

So this Colorado Buffs’ senior cornerback, Ben Burney, was asked by the athletic department to write a weekly blog throughout the season for their CUBuffs.com website. In his first post, published earlier this week, he wrote about the “sad goodbye” that CFB players feel toward the freedom of summer on the day that practice officially opens, an idea he concretely illustrated in his opener by describing waking up next to a woman and being able to get a little morning delight, if you know what I’m saying, on the last morning before practice began.

As a college composition instructor, I’d call this an excellent intro technique, offering concrete description of the basis for the emotion being discussed. But apparently the CU athletic dept. is shocked, shocked!, by the idea that a 22-year-old college senior might be having sexual relations with a woman he’s not married to, so they censored that part of his blog post, while leaving the rest of it up. Of course they did this without Burney’s knowledge or permission, and then they notified him that now they really didn’t need him to write a blog after all.

Pretty lame. The worst part is that it’s actually pretty well written. He seems like an interesting and intelligent guy, and now that I’ve discovered his blog (for this wrong reason), I’d have been interested in hearing about how the season unfolds to such a player. Oh, well.

PS: today is the 22nd birthday of Our Savior, Timothy Tebow. In celebration, I’ll be offering free circumcisions all day here at my house in Casselberry. Fred Morlan, come on down!

If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that I won last week.

WOOHOO! I WON! SUCK IT, BITCHES!

They’re all tied up at the top. Who’s going to win? Way too early to tell.

On to week 5!

#8 Alabama (+7) at #3 Georgia, Sat 7:45pm ESPN
DanGr: I have been impressed by Georgia on both sides of the ball, but I think there is room to improve. The Bulldogs will pull away at the end to complete a game that will be more offensive (of the scoring variety) than people expect.

Arkansas State (-1) at Memphis, Sat 2:00pm
Fred: A mediocre ConUSA team will always beat a mediocre Sun Belt team.
DanGr: ASU has plenty of offense, which will be the determinant against a Memphis team that has failed to win a Football Bowl Subdivision game.

Colorado (+5.5) at Florida State (Jacksonville, FL), Sat 3:30pm ABC/ESPN
Chris: Colorado’s offense vs. FSU’s defense is a great match-up; FSU’s offense vs. Colorado’s defense won’t be fun for anyone to watch, especially not Jimbo Fisher. Buffs win by two.
DanGo: Despite the weakness of the ACC, WVU has proven itself to be overrated, and the Buffaloes made too many mistakes in that game. Florida State will let it stay close, but pull away in the fourth.

#25 Fresno State (-6.5) at UCLA, Sat 3:30pm ABC
DanGo: Fresno State has had its BCS dream shattered, but UCLA is just bad.

#22 Illinois (+14.5) at #12 Penn State, Sat 8:00pm ABC
DanGr: Illinois is coming off a bye, has to travel to Happy Valley, and is coming off two uninspired showings against cupcakes. Penn State is showing no mercy in what may be the team that could let JoePa retire on top. It will not be 2008 Rose Bowl ugly, but this will be over by the end of the third quarter.
Chris: The Juice (the one who hasn’t killed anybody) deflates Penn State’s Big Ten hopes and keeps their own alive!
Fred: Illinois is so overrated, like Zook’s ability to water ski!

North Carolina (+7.5) at Miami (FL), Sat 12:00pm
DanGr: North Carolina is improving, but they are not going to be able to withstand the Hurricanes. They got blown down by Virginia Tech last week and they will get blown down by The U this week.

Virginia Tech (+7) at Nebraska, Sat 8:00pm ABC
DanGo: The Hokies are starting to get their offense organized, and the defense has been strong all season. If Taylor and Glennon can keep it together all day, they’ll walk out a winner.