Fourth and Dumb

That header ought to drive some traffic here.

So this back-up offensive lineman, Tyler Patrick Thomas, of Oregon State was found drunk and naked in some poor stranger’s house. I can only imagine how freaked out your typical Joe Suburb (like myself) would be to find a huge, naked dude drunkenly rummaging through his pantry in the middle of the night.

My favorite part of the story is that Thomas allegedly got into a three-point stance and charged when cops told him to get on the ground. Presumably he was going to try to pancake them. Too bad his position coach wasn’t there to remind him to get his ass up in the air, though on second thought no one would want that in such a situation.

Over a Florida fan, that is.

You’ve probably heard that a radio reporter in Fayetteville was fired after being admonished by Bobby “Arkansas Razorback to the Core!” Petrino for wearing her Gators baseball cap to a media session.

Renee Gork, the reporter in question, is indeed a Florida grad; hasn’t she been punished enough just by having to live in Fayetteville?

Anyway, back to the story, Gork apparently asked ol’ Bobby a question, and after answering, he said something about how he was not going to answer any more of her questions while she was wearing that hat.

You’ll excuse me for finding this kind of amusing. I’m guessing Petrino wouldn’t have known for sure that Arkansas and Florida were in the same conference when he got hired, though I guess that’s not fair since he did spend 12 games in Auburn as their OC when they went undefeated under Terry Bowden, one of his SEVEN stops in the last 14 seasons.

I suppose you can’t blame Bobby, whose panties are probably still in a bit of a bunch over some tough calls in his close loss at the Swamp last year (not to mention the beating from the previous season). And there’s absolutely no question that Gork shouldn’t have worn any kind of team gear to a media session as a reporter. Way back in my youth, when my co-bloggers here were shittin’ yeller (or at least more so), I covered the Gators for the Independent Florida Alligator, so I got to go to post-practice sessions and regular media lunches and such when Galen Hall was coach, and though most of the pro hacks I worked with had graduated from UF, no one would have dreamed of wearing a Gators hat (or a Bama hat, or a Yankees jacket, or a Steelers shirt) to anything while working. It’s just not done.

However, Petrino didn’t need to make a stink about it out loud in front of the other hacks. That just guaranteed that crazy fans would hassle the station and kill this woman’s job. Of course, there’s been some boo-hooing about her losing that job, but something tells me she’ll be fine. Maybe she’ll be one of the gals on the next The Bachelor or something.

At least she wasn’t wearing a Louisville or Falcons hat; that might have gotten ol’ Bobby to pop her one.

PS–12 DAYS TILL THE FIRST GAME!!!!

Scuttle all over the internet tubes tells us that USC is going to hire Lane Kiffin. To be their FOOTBALL COACH!!!!

Just yesterday I was reading on the Gator Country forums a series of posts mocking the Vol Nation for posting their worries about their new coach getting stolen back by the Trojans, as if USC would be happy to get a guy who led a 7-6 team and got his program into all kinds of hot water!

Well, so much for the USC dynasty. But what about the hatred stirred up in Saban, Miles, Meyer, and Spurrier? Only one year of satisfaction? Weak. And it’s not like they’ll get to play his team in any BCS bowls, either.

And now Tennessee fans: wish you had Phat Phil back around now? Wide receivers coach Kippy Brown as interim isn’t going to make many recruits excited!

In case you have been away from your information muse this week, the big news in college football, aside from Idaho converting a two-point conversion to win the Humanitarian Bowl and Nebraska beating the snot out of Arizona in the Holiday Bowl, is the firing of Texas Tech head coach Mike Leach. Leach was fired after he legally challenged his suspension from coaching in the upcoming Alamo Bowl. He was suspended because of his suspected treatment of one Adam James.

Note that this is not a simple Mark Mangino case. Mike Leach has no major anger management issues and no significant history of mistreatment of players. This Adam James is no ordinary James; he is the son of Craig James, a former running back at Southwest Conference rival Southern Methodist University who is better known by young whippersnappers as a college football analyst on ESPN and ABC. There is no doubt the heft of Adam being the son of an influential person play a major role in how this went down. Had Adam James been the son of a nobody, this never would have seen the light of day. Leach also has had run-ins with the administration, such as his wandering eye for other jobs and contentious contract negotiations. Perhaps the administration saw fit to get rid of this thorn in their side when they had a convenient out. The administration is now going to get its worst from Leach, who promises extensive legal action over his firing with cause.

As for the bigger picture, this is a serious blow to the Texas Tech football program. Leach is forced out as only the best coach is school history, with an 84-43 record in ten years. Barring a home run hire in the next few weeks, if there was any chance the Red Raiders would become a regular contender in the Big XII South, that chance is gone. While Texas Tech never achieved the elite level of Texas and Oklahoma except for 2008, they consistently served as a major thorn in the side of those programs, always good for an upset to derail conference or national championship hopes. The Raiders were the third best program in the division. With that status likely to be forfeited, there is now room for a new program to step up and consistently challenge the Longhorn-Sooner hegemony. Will it be Oklahoma State under Mike Gundy? Will Mike Sherman help Texas A&M recover from a mediocre decade? Will Art Briles lead Baylor (Baylor!) to division glory?

As for Leach, he is still young (48 years old) and he is the singular kind of coaching talent that schools on the fence about keeping their coach would dump their guy for in a Lubbock minute. That is, if potential suitors are not scared off by his anti-establishment persona. Even if he sits out 2010 while the legal process plays out, the Cap’n is sure to be back on the sidelines in 2011, enriching our college football experience both on and off the field.

Has any college football team in history had to deal with more on- and off-field drama in a season than this year’s Florida Gators? They started with the insanely high expectations of fans and the adoration of Tebow, followed by the Tebow concussion craziness, the Brandon Spikes eye gouge, the Carlos Dunlap DUI, the departure of a bunch of assistants at the end of the year.

And now this.

Everybody in the US even remotely interested in CFB already knows all the details, so let’s dispense with that. How about a couple questions, though. First, why on earth would Meyer feel the need to announce this six days before the game? If he was (originally) sure he was going to resign, why not wait till after the game? Was he trying to fire up a lackluster team? Further, why would Florida AD Jeremy Foley let him make such an announcement so quickly? Didn’t he learn from the Billy Donovan saga of a couple years ago that coaches can and will change their minds? Shouldn’t he have told Urban to wait a couple days to send out that release?

More important, what will the effects of this be on the Gators? In the immediate future, it has certainly damaged their 2010 recruiting class. Florida’s overall #1-rated player, athlete Matt Elam (a QB/RB/DB for Palm Beach Dwyer expected to play safety for the Gators), has waffled on his oral commit, and DE Leon Orr and a couple others are said to be listening to other teams. Still, most of those guys report being reassured by Meyer’s “gut feeling” that he’ll be on the sidelines next fall. But what about the guys still out there? National top ten players Seantrel Henderson (#1 overall), Ronald Powell, and Jackson Jeffcoat all had the Gators high on their list, but will they want to commit to a school far away (none are from the Southeast) where there’s so much uncertainty?

And worse, what about future recruiting? Certainly other SEC teams will tell recruits that they can’t trust that Meyer will be able to finish out their time at UF, even if he comes back next fall and has coached for ten years. There will always be the “Hey, that guy’s gonna walk any day now” attack to be made.

Besides, I think we’re all simply assuming that because Meyer has this gut feeling he’s coming back that he’s going to do so. What if Meyer’s health does keep him from returning? Will the Gates be stuck with Steve Addazio as the head coach for 2010? Man, the dude couldn’t even run our offense respectably this year.

Bottom line: I’ll be glad to see this season end for the Gators. Next year’s team will have its own pile of drama to work through.

Superstar Gators’ DE Carlos Dunlap, a possible first-round NFL pick next spring and a key to Florida pressure on opposing quarterbacks, chose the wee hours of the Tuesday before the BIGGEST FRIGGIN’ GAME OF THE YEAR to drive home so loaded he passed out at a traffic light and proceeded to snooze through a few cycles of red and green. Friendly officers switched off the ignition for him and then booked his ass for DUI. UF won’t have any formal comment till after today’s (Tuesday’s) practice, but clearly he’ll have to be held out of the SEC Championship on Saturday, if not even the Gators’ bowl game (though I suspect Urban will figure he’s done his time by then, particularly if that bowl is in Pasadena).

By now you’ve probably heard that three Tennessee freshman football players are being charged with ARMED ROBBERY! One of the three is scrub Mike Edwards, but the other two are starting safety Janzen Jackson and WR Nu’Keese Richardson, whom you might remember from last spring as the kid who’d been orally committed to Florida for over a year before shocking folks on signing day by picking UT. Why the shock? Remember, this is the kid who lied to UF and the media for a couple weeks after visiting UT at the urging of Lane Kiffin, who didn’t want Florida to know their recruit was jumping ship.

Well, I don’t reckon the Gators are missing Nuke right now. Damn, don’t those kids know how to get the “no-work” jobs from boosters like other CFB players? Sheesh.

College players often get in trouble for petty thefts and stupid assaults and other such garbage (not too much different from regular college students, really), but this is pretty serious–one of them had a gun. This could be it for all three players, and it doesn’t help Kiffy’s already-tarnished image much.

This has been a ridiculous week for me, so it’s time for an especially dumb, dumb, dumb top 25!

#1 Florida
#2 Texas
#3 Alabama
#4 USC
#5 LSU
#6 Iowa
#7 Boise State
#8 TCU
#9 Virginia Tech
#10 BYU
#11 Miami
#12 Ole Miss
#13 Oklahoma State
#14 Penn State
#15 Oklahoma
#16 Ohio State
#17 Notre Dame
#18 Nebraska
#19 South Florida
#20 Oregon
#21 Georgia Tech
#22 UCLA
#23 Auburn
#24 Cincinnati
#25 Wisconsin

So you know that time you had a guy you didn’t like, and you wanted to pull a prank on him to get him, so you set him up to think he’s meeting a girl he likes at an abandoned house in your neighborhood, but in the meantime you got a group of gay bikers to go there expecting some rough trade just off the Greyhound, and you watched through the window thinking it was going to be funny, but then your chuckling turned to ill feeling, and then to horror, and then you had to run away screaming? Right? That’s like a typical coming-of-age thing, right? No? Oh.

Anyway, the point is that’s what it’s been like watching FSU implode the last couple years for this Gator fan. It started out kind of funny to watch them getting shut out by Wake Forest at home, or talking about how they were all the way back this year and then getting nearly bitch-slapped by Jacksonville State, but after the loss to BC it’s just gotten ugly up there. Jim Smith, head of the trustees (and personal friend of the Bowdens) says Bobby has to go, so Bobby’s wife Ann blasts Smith in the press and talks about how Bobby’s being betrayed, but then Smith tells a Tampa paper that Bobby’s just like an old dog that needs to be put down, and then TK Wetherell offers a half-assed vote of confidence for Bobby: it’s all just so tawdry.

I have some Gator pals whose hatred for all things FSU is so unalloyed that they’ll take pleasure in all this, but I’ve always thought football in this state was best when the Big Three (screw you, Bulls fans, you’re not there yet) are all contenders. It’s certainly more fun to beat FSU when they’re in the top ten (something that seems nigh unto impossible in the near future right now–the top ten, I mean, not beating them, which is very, very possible for most teams). And though I’ve always argued that the good-ol-boy, aw-shucks, chocolate-cake-eating Bobby image is a bit of a myth, that you don’t win that many games without being a vicious killer at some level, I still respect what Bowden’s done and am starting to hate watching him get punked out of the game in this fashion.

I don’t see much silver lining for the Noles, either. My local paper pointed out today that the Noles have an identical record in the first 31 games since Jimbo Fisher has been OC as they did in the last 31 that Baby Bowden was OC. And the stats are pretty similar (better rushing under Jimbo, better passing under Jeff). Granted, he’s not the head honcho yet, but I haven’t seen anything with this offense to make me think Jimbo’s the guy. But they’ve got too much money into him to have any other choice. Good luck, Nolies–you’re gonna need all of it you can get.

What’s the best way to be completely wrong and have everyone tell you so? Make your own top 25!

1. Florida – The recovery of Tebow is very important for Florida. While I could make this a joke entry with only painfully obvious statements, it’s important to understand just how serious a concussion is.

This being said, Florida should be just fine without Tebow. I’m unsure if they’ll be capable of winning a national championship, but they’ll definitely be a force against anyone they play.

2. Texas – It’s amazing how little I’ve heard about Texas this year. There’s been talk about how great Florida is, and how USC was shockingly beaten by Washington, and BYU beating Oklahoma, and Ohio State “choking” away another big game (despite that being what could have been the best marquee performance since beating Michigan to get into the BCS National Championship game a few years ago), and Texas has, amazingly, been overlooked with Colt McCoy, the rest of that great offense and a great defense. Texas will be a force to reckon with, and if Tebow’s out for an extended period, they could take over as the #1 team in the nation.

3. Alabama – I didn’t believe in Alabama a year ago. I thought that, inevitably, they would lose as the season progressed. To Georgia, or LSU, or Ole Miss. To somebody. By the time they lost to Florida, it was anti-climactic. Of course they’d lose; I’d been saying it all season.

I don’t feel this way this year. I’m worried about Alabama playing at Ole Miss, and hosting LSU isn’t a walk in the park. There’s always the chance of other bumps in the road, just because of the nature of the SEC, but I’ve bought into this team this year. I’m pretty sure Nick Saban could take a crate of PlayDoh and 15 kula rings and put together a team that could go 11-1 in the SEC.

4. LSU – Unfortunately, I am not sure about LSU being here in the long run. They have a very talented team, and I feel like they could win any conference undefeated if it wasn’t the SEC or the Big 12. But they visit Georgia, Alabama and Ole Miss, not to mention Florida. They could very easily lose all four of those games; they could just as easily win those. I don’t know what to do with this team at this point, but next weekend is going to show a lot.

5. USC – If USC had a QB with experience and two good shoulders, the thought of them playing Florida would be amazing. As it is, USC has one of the best defenses and a great running attack. With their normal “lose to an inferior Pac-10 team” thing out of the way, they should be fine the rest of the way. The only true test they have remaining is California.

Also, may I note how ridiculous it was for Washington to reach #24 in the AP poll? They went winless last year, didn’t play particularly well before facing USC and lost immediately after Stanford. AP voters have approximately the same attention span as a kitten faced with a shoelace attach – oh look over there!

6. Oklahoma – This assumes Sam Bradford returns with the ability to lift his hand above his shoulder soon and can play against Texas. Without him, they face a difficult time. They still have a strong defense and a developing offense. Playing at Miami, hosting Baylor, facing Texas and visiting Kansas will be a test of just how they stand nationally post Bradford.

7. Iowa – I may come to regret this ranking soon, the number of times a Ferentz-led team pulled off the whole “oh we’re very good look at us oh wait we’re supposed to win more than six games?” act. But, Iowa has a defense that can carry their offense, an offense that isn’t so bad that it’ll keep them out of games. Beating both Arizona and Penn State this early in the season gives them one of the best resumes so far.

8. Boise State – This team was expected to do well this year, but I think they’ve exceeded those expectations. The Oregon win continues to look better and better, and they’ve looked really good in their other three wins so far. The only game that could be a true test is against Nevada, who they host and who have been very disappointing so far. This team may already have locked up their status as a BCS Buster, though never say never.

9. TCU – The road win at Clemson was very impressive. TCU is going to be neck and neck with BYU for the MWC this year, and will play one of the most important regular season games against them on October 24.

10. UCLA – Half of these losses could be forfeited in ten years once it’s found out what Rick Neuheisel has done, but that’s the risk you take. A road win against Tennessee and a home victory against Kansas State are two solid, if not great, wins. I doubt this ranking will hold up, but right now they deserve to be here.

11. Virginia Tech – VT’s loss to Alabama is one of the best losses I’ve seen. They really should have come away with the W, but Alabama put together a good comeback in the second half. Since then, all VT has done is beat Marshall beyond recognition, beat a rising Nebraska program and defeat the hot team of the moment, Miami. In my estimation, this is the best resume to date, and VT might have the best defense in the nation. That offense with Tyrod Taylor and Darren Evans isn’t half bad, either.

12. BYU – That win against Oklahoma was great, and the Bradford injury doesn’t dampen it much to me. I just don’t understand what happened with Florida State; FSU did not look anything close to that dynamic against Miami or USF

13. Ole Miss – They did look ugly in that loss, but I still believe in them.

14. Oklahoma State

15. Penn State

16. Notre Dame – I can’t believe I’m embracing a Notre Dame team, but here I am, and there they are.

17. Georgia

18. Miami

19. Ohio State

20. California

21. Michigan

22. South Florida

23. Georgia Tech

24. Houston – I’m just not that big on Houston. They’ve played well so far and got some big wins, but I could see them pulling an East Carolina 2008 and losing a couple of games in conference.

25. Oregon