That’s all, folks!

We Done

So it’s been real, and it’s been kinda fun, but maybe it ain’t been real fun, but now we done. Like Darrin Kitchens, I’m a lone Gator standing proud after my teammates have skulked away after a loss. But I stand here defiant, holding up my Red Stripe proud! Peace out, suckaz–see you on the other side.

How Fourth and Dumb Got Licked

Hey, let’s face it, on paper this was a crappy weekend, with no obvious big games. And then I had a quiz bowl tournament to attend Friday night and Saturday (something that in the old days I would feel compelled to explain, but not now that only Dan and Ahmad are reading, and maybe Andy Vann if he’s not busy polishing his lead figurine of his 7th-level cleric), not to mention a county millage vote to agitate for (doesn’t sound exciting, but because of it I got to chat for a while with Stan Van Gundy!), not to mention a state house candidate to volunteer for. And then there’s a wife and a kid. Worst of all, I missed the goddamn UGA-UT game, which turned into a WAC shoot-out, not to mention the Arena game between WVU and Baylor.

Look, what I’m saying is that since I got home I’ve been steadily drinking my new man crush, Newcastle Werewolf.

And while typing this, the Oklahoma State QB just blew out a good run in the 4th quarter and knocked down an old man on the sideline. And now the Cowboys have scored to go ahead of Texas. But seriously, who gives a shit? The Big 12 is a bunch of dogshit, and we all know it. Even WVU will shit the bed against Oklahoma or one of these crap-ass teams I’m stuck watching now because there are no other good games happening right now. But even if they don’t, WE ALL KNOW WHAT’S GOING TO FUCKING HAPPEN: Alabama is going to happen, man. Alafuckingbama!

They lost all those guys, you know, the big mean guys on defense and that guy with the dreads on offense who should’ve gone to UF and now is unimpressive with the Browns, but it just doesn’t matter, man. Saban just cheats ass and brings in all these other barely human monsters and they destroy everyone. Seriously, AJ McCarron blows ass, but it doesn’t matter. He just hands it off to some guy who gashes eight yard runs behind a bunch of soon-to-be millionaires. We’re all playing for second place, baby. SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!!!

Our only hope, our only fucking hope at all, is that the great satan’s o’erweening pride will make him take the Dallas Cowboys job sometime soon. Otherwise IT’S ALL OVER. You saw LSU dick around with Towson today–do you really think they can generate enough offense to beat the MONTHLY FLOW OF THE CRIMSON TIDE? No, Ahmad, they can’t–stop it. I’m sorry the Bulls couldn’t finish, man, but it doesn’t matter–the Noles, even if they go undefeated, which they won’t, because Jimbo will find a way to vomit blood all over himself like a drunkard who’s had too many NEWCASTLE WEREWOLFS, which are RED by the way, it’s a RED ALE, goddammit. But even if he somehow goes undefeated Saban’s soulless drones will roll over them like the rust-colored tide that is like a tide tied to the phases of the moon and comes with ANGER and rust-colored BLOOD and ALL CAPITAL TYPING that is like yelling because the YELLING that comes with the RUST-COLORED TIDE that overcomes us all on a MONTHLY BASIS and doesn’t stop until it does but when is that WHEN IS THAT?

Look, what I’m saying is that right now Texas just scored again to go up 34-33, and this game is now somewhat interesting, so I’m going to watch it and then probably hit the sack. After all, I have papers to grade tomorrow.

Helllllooooooo, Kiffy!!!!!

So, will Lane vote his team #1 this week? I think he still will. And what a kind gesture to the Vols fans he left behind: by showing he can’t develop or coach the incredible talent he has, he at least gave the Vols some small balm after the fourth-quarter ass-whipping the Gators put on them.

Jeff Driskel really did some growing in the second half yesterday. You could see how much better and more decisive he is when he’s put into called roll-outs and other motion, much more comfortable than he appears when sitting in the pocket. We have to assume that Brett Pease and Coach Boom took note, too. So the Gates get Kentucky, who couldn’t even beat their inbred cousins from Western Kentucky, next week and then a rest week before hosting LSU on October 6. I hope they’ll sit Mike Gillislee next Saturday to rest his groin (mmmmm, groin rest), and then it’s looking likely the Gators will have star linebacker Jelani Jenkins back for 10/6, too. Then we’ll see how much progress the Gators have made.

And what the shit about Notre Dame? Are they actually going to be good? I hate when that’s true. Maybe Denard will go all Catholic-priest-on-teenage-altarboy on them next week. Here’s hoping.

PS–Looking forward to Fred’s Sun Belt summary!

 

football ham began

is true football plaid by boys in college begunned last week and menny games happent with the squatting down and the hitting and the ball and the fat stripy men all on the green green grass running and the commercials with the train that brings coldness and in south here the golden flake chips and always the cars the cars so many cars. now more games for playing this weeknt where boys frum old florida will try make army mans from taxes not do pushups since they made bullboard in hogtown saying taxes maroon guys own hogtown. also summinoles am try score 100 poynts over bad team bad with weakies and slowies on it. yum go now dont read this blog is stupid and also not smart so stupid not fun like think guys what

 

Gatorzzzzz!!!!!

2012! Issa  hole new year! We a gonna dominate!!! Tequila is my homeboy! Get me my bottle, girl!

 

Florida celebrates their 24-17 victory over Ohio State in the Gator Bowl.

Florida: the Source for America’s Herpes

Chris, as proof that tackling in football should be improved, I show you a literal rib-breaker executed legally. If defenders could learn to tackle like this, we wouldn’t have issues with shots to the head.

EDIT: To clarify, people in tackle sports talk about rib-breakers, this is a literal rib-breaker. Rogers used to be an avid surfer, but is unable to do it ever again on account of this hit.

Rugby Is for Men!

You damn skippy!

 

May The Fleas of a Thousand Camels Infest His Pubic Area!

Yeah, I’m talking about that fucking load, Charlie Weis, who up and left the Gators after one season of leading an offense stocked (supposedly) with speed and Rivals-250 talent to a 80th-ish or so finish in total offense in D1.

I guess I shouldn’t be mad, as I hated that bitch before and greatly enjoyed his failure at Notre Dame before he ever set foot in Hogtown, but like some Gators, I just swallowed hard and tried to think that he would be able to reinvigorate our sad offense of 2010. It never occurred to me that we could possibly be worse than 2010, but Charlie made it happen. So I guess I’m glad he’s gone, but I’m still pissed that he ever took the job, or at least that he took the job while going out of his way to tell every friggin’ hack out there that he chose G-ville since his son is a student there, and his wife likes the horsies in Ocala, and his special-needs son could have an excellent place for education. He even said he couldn’t imagine leaving before his kid was done at UF. But yeah, coaches lie, big fuckin’ news.

Anyway, the choice that Muschamp has before him will determine whether he’s going to be a success at UF or whether he’ll be looking for a coordinator job after two more seasons. I figure that’s how long he has to get UF back into the SEC Championship Game. Gator Nation is a cruel and fickle land, and its denizens demand to have a basis for their huge egos. 6-6 sure as hell ain’t gonna cut it.

The rumor mill has identified three obvious candidates, listed here in ascending order of potential awesomeness: Brian White, current TE coach at UF, who coached RBs at Wisconsin, where he made Ron Dayne a star; Marshall Applewhite, the Texas OC, who is Muschamp’s buddy; and then Kerwin Bell, UF QB when I started there back in ’86, who also coached Johnny Brantley in HS when he was one of the best QBs in the nation, and who led FCS team Jacksonville U to the #1 rated offense in 1-AA two years ago and was good again this year after many departures.

Applewhite seems the front runner, but let me tell you that he’s not going to get anyone down here excited, good as he may be. Do we really need to have our team run by the fucking Longhorns’ brain trust? Shit, we might as well have just hired geriatric Mack Brown.

Kerwin will fire up the base big time. I’ve already seen posts at Gator Country arguing he’s not experienced enough, but guys like Gus Malzahn and Jim Harbaugh jumped into big-time D1 after stints at FCS schools. And like when we brought in Spurrier, fans will love having a real Gator on the sideline to balance the goddamn Dawg we have as head coach.

 

 

Conference Title Weekend

Not gonna tip the Big Least title game, as it already happened. But, here we go.

UCLA vs. Oregon (-31)

Neuheisel’s already been shown the door. UCLA had to ask for a waiver to be bowl-eligible in case they lose. Oregon still has an outside shot at returning to the title game. The Ducks will win by six touchdowns.

Southern Miss vs. Houston (-14)

Houston will fuck up the BCS system by beating every team it plays, but not even getting a sniff of the title game. Houston by 20+

Georgia vs. LSU (-13.5)

Even if LSU loses, they’re probably in. Nonetheless, they’re not going to lose here. LSU by three touchdowns

Virginia Tech vs. Clemson (+7)

Clemson played a fairly weak schedule, and somehow got to the top ten before tumbling. Virginia Tech will smear the fields with tiger blood, which Charlie Sheen will try to consume. Hokies by a lot.

Wisconsin at Michigan State (+9)

In East Lansing, the Spartans won with a last-second touchdown. Wisconsin has not beaten a good team on the road this year, and I don’t see that changing. Spartans by 10